Too Late . . . Should’ve Taken The Time

On this Sunday morning, my heart is heavy and tears are intermittently flowing. I’ve prayed a few times, even actually walked my Khloe with a cup of coffee in hand…Trying to soften the blow and clear my head after hearing last night that we had lost our courageous warrior, Janelle.

The tears are symbolic of sadness, love, family, laughter, pride and yes, guilt. I’m sad because of my love for her, and although I didn’t see her often, I will miss her. I’m sad because we’ve lost family, someone who we all loved so dearly. I’m sad because I’m remembering her smile, and how she made us laugh. I’m sad because I’m reflecting on how proud I was of her. You see, she had the strength and courage of a lion!!! She had this vividly on display for the world to see. Being diagnosed with Leukemia, as a little girl, she had to endure a lot at such a young age. I’m sad today because I’m feeling kind of guilty. I’m owning this guilt because on Sunday morning, February 19, 2017, I realize that I didn’t take the time to remind her that I loved her 😦  It’s too late…Should’ve taken the time.

Yes, we’d see each other at family events from time-to-time, especially when our cousin, Keith (Buck) and family put on those famous Cherry Family Gatherings in Richmond, VA. I always kept up with what was going on with her from my mom or on Facebook (FB).  I’d make random comments on her FB posts, encouraging her when she’d have those rare low moments, etc., but never really took enough time to remind her of how much I loved her and admired her spirit. It’s too late…Should’ve taken the time.

Pictures on FB and memories have been flowing of our angel, Janelle, but a particular one captured the spirit of the woman she was. Didn’t take but a second for a big ole smile to appear on my face, but then the tears began to spring forth again. It was a picture of her dancing, clearly showcasing her free spirit and love for life. She was ALWAYS the life of the party! Lol. Her spiritual meter never stayed on Defeat! If the needle flickered any, it didn’t take much to get it set back on Victory! And as I sit here, awaiting surgery in a week, myself, I’m reminded of what she had to endure. I’m reminded of how long she chose to fight. I’m reminded that she faced her challenges head-on. I’m reminded that Janelle was the epitome of strength that is a testament to her faith and the God she believed in. Sadly, I’m reminded how much I really love her, but don’t remember the last time I told her. It’s too late…Should’ve taken the time.

I know you’re in Heaven, Janelle. As I’m sure you have everyone there cracking up already, and telling them about your family, you probably won’t even mention your struggles or any of the challenges that life threw your way. I’m smiling, imagining what you might be saying to those angels, though… smh 🙂 When you take a few minutes to rest, and stop cutting up, I hope that your heavenly ears hear this…. I’m proud of who you are, and what you’ve meant to our family. And yes, I love you, lil cousin!

TCV family, Take a moment to let people know that you love them.  Don’t miss an opportunity, then have to carry these ‘salty’ words in your spirit — It’s too late…Should’ve taken the time…to say, I Love You!

“The trouble is, you think you have time.” ~ Buddha

Peace & Blessings & Love,
Lisa B

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Adrianne says:

    LB,this is so true!! Love the message.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sandra Raynor says:

    Lisa, I am so sorry for the loss of your cousin. This blog is so true for so many of us as we think on things that we wish we had done.. the “what ifs”. But praise be to God that we learn daily to do better when we fall short. #Lifelessons

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ninapage says:

    Cousin Lisa, first and foremost, I LOVE YOU!! This story truly touched me. When I received the phone call yesterday, I was completely caught off guard and it hit me like a brick. I too was emotional when I saw the picture on Facebook of Janelle dancing because it perfectly captured her personality. I did get the chance to tell Janelle that I loved her a couple of months ago. However, my intention was to reach out to her last week to check on her and cousin, Nellie, but life got in the way and I never reached out. But, like I said to my brother, Janelle knew we all loved her.

    If something were to happen to any of us, there will always be someone wishing they had made that call, sent that text, made that visit, etc. Life sometimes takes us in all directions with the best intentions. So please don’t be so hard on yourself. We must take situations like this to try to be more consciously aware, and make time to be present, and to act in those heartfelt moments when they present themselves.

    Janelle, was definitely a fighter. She had a spirit of gratitude despite all that life had dealt her. She had a love for her family and made it her job to make sure everyone was laughing and enjoying whatever moment we were in at the time. She will truly be missed and REMEMBERED.

    If all goes as planned, I will see you soon and I can personally tell you that I Love You!!!. 😘💟

    Cousin, Nina (Chele)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Chele, I LOVE YOU!!!! You are so right…She knew. I had a moment, and it was a rough patch. I found myself thanking God that we all had the experience of a free and loving spirit like Nelle!

      Yes… I hope to see you soon, and will certainly remind you that your cousin Lisa, loves you!!


  4. Sharon Watson says:

    Love this post! I, too, had a cousin that passed over 7 years ago. After I went to college, life took us down separate paths. He got married and moved away. He was my first cousin and we grew up together in the same neighborhood. He was the life of the party and anyone that met him never forgot him, I felt so guilty during and after his funeral because during the holidays I never took time to talk or visit him. You see we were only miles apart during that time. Yes he could have reached out but that doesn’t matter. There is no tit for tat when it comes to spending time with loved ones. I still think about him often. The joy and laughter he gave us when he was living . My lesson learned is not to take advantage of love ❤️. Regardless if it is a text, call or visit, let others know you are thinking of them. The guilt is no longer there because I know he knew I loved him.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your story, Sharon. Wow…We never know how our experiences mirror others we know and love. ❤


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