While hanging out with friends this past weekend, we began to discuss a particular situation involving acquaintances. As the conversation progressed about a person’s choice to pursue a relationship with someone, a two-point poignant question was asked…”Does she really like him or is it just because she wants to be in a relationship?” As usual, when God is dealing with me in some way, select words slowly basted in my spirit like a grill master meticulously covering a picnic shoulder with the finest eastern North Carolina BBQ sauce!
Hmmm…”Just because”, huh? These two words, intricately, find their place in our day-to-day conversations, without much thought. We do so many things, just because. We find bravery in making some statements, just because. We allow ourselves to be or behave a certain way, just because. Why are we so apt to comfortably slip into and settle in the “just because” syndrome? To be okay with a “just because” state of mind? My “take”, is that it aligns with a path of least resistance. It’s JUST easier!
As the conversation was relative to relationships, I began to think deeply about the many sub-par situations, or shall I say marriages, semi-committed, even mutually chosen open relationships and those that are semi-open, because only one person is privy to the knowledge of the flexible status?? The latter is so not fair and too common.
How many relationships are you personally aware of that are functioning in the “Just because” mode? Did you know that Just Because and Only Because are twins? What’s in the DNA of these siblings? My answer is both have the gene of less than; the nucleus of mediocrity; chromosomes representing that there are molecules of something better; something greater….All lending an opportunity to check our “Just because” barometer.
What in our lives are we selling ourselves short of because we accept and operate in this manner? Could it be:
- Just because we need a job, whether it’s fulfilling or not, meets a career goal or lacks ethics?
- Just because he/she is a good provider, no matter how dirty and disrespectful he/she is?
- Just because of the children, despite the children witnessing everything that a marriage or a relationship should not be?
- Just because of his/her social status, even though your worth is devalued and you’ve lost yourself in someone else—living in their shadow?
- Just because of combined finances, although money doesn’t buy happiness and as a friend has said on numerous occasions, you can’t put a price tag on peace of mind? Is it really cheaper to keep her (him)? Cheaper is subjective.
- Just because our families wouldn’t accept or understand, when we are the masters of our own fate? We can’t live someone else’s life, no matter how much we love and respect them.
- Just because it seems like the right thing to do, but it doesn’t rest well with our soul…keeping us awake at night because of an unsettled spirit?
- Just because we want to give it yet another try, although we’re fresh out of the 1000th plus chance tickets?
- Just because he/she gives me attention, even though lying, cheating and disrespect are always lurking close by?
- Just because he/she meets a physical (yes, sexual) need or desire, however shortly after the act of pleasure, we feel empty because the temporary pleasure doesn’t provide sustained validation and certainly doesn’t contribute to our self-worth?
- Just because he/she makes me feel special, but I have no idea what special really should feel like?
- Just because it’s easier to take that aforementioned path of least resistance than to stand firmly in our beliefs and values?
- And the infamous, just because it works for me, indicating that it really doesn’t work for you, wholesale, but just enough to get you by…sort of like accepting a D in college 😉
Lots of things to ponder. Lots of measurable indicators of settling vs sticking with standards. Is your “Just because” barometer functioning or is it malfunctioning due to fear of operating in the truth of who you are and/or who you feel you need to become? Is it keeping you from finding your purpose…the one that God is waiting for you to finally find, in the best “Just because” ever….Just because He loves you that much? Just because Jesus died so that we can have eternal life…Not so that life can have us (bound)!
Peace & Blessings,